Hallucination part 1

I was just a young girl
playing dress up
in mama's make up
and finest things

when...

his touching
my secret places
all began.

He said I was cute,
while chastising
my pulling away

raping me with big fingers
and bigger hands
until my secret places
wanted to be secret no more.

My flesh betrayed me,
expanding for his forceful
entry that left me
throbbing and
blood running down my leg
like the ink on this page.

Hot breath on my ear
saying "don't tell a soul,
nobody should know,
don't you want to be a beautiful
woman like your mama some day"?

And I did...

I wanted to scream and holla,
to tell somebody, maybe my
mother or my father
but the love in our house
was an optical illusion

I couldn't find mama through the
cigarette haze or her drunken daze

and my real father was
watching this craziness from heaven...

or so I was told on Sundays.

So I stopped fighting it
causing more frequent trips
and the things he made me
do got down right ridiculous.

But I wouldn't cry...

No, I was a big girl
and couldn't wait to live
in mama's world.

And when my bestfriend's
brother noticed the spread
in my hips, he wanted to
make me a woman too
and I let him.

Soon all the boys in the
neighborhood took notice
of me, the only girl on the
block with a big ass and some
titties.

One by one I let
them all take a peek
and couldn't for the life
of me figure out why
at school they wouldn't speak.

And finally at age 15
tears burned my eyes
and flowing through
my veins was the purest form of rage
fuck everyone that fucked me!!!!
I hope they all die someday.

Weed and cheap whiskey
promised to ease the pain
and keep the tears at bay.

And no one noticed....

Except my new friend
and her touch was gentle
she aroused my mental
and I couldn't get enough.

With her I begun to feel
like a woman in many ways
but this hallucination of love
came with images of me burning
in hell some day...

but I still, couldn't get enough.

Transforming to womanhood
in just a day
not telling the truth about my age
for fear she would send me away
affraid to tell anyone that

"hey, I think I may be gay"

so I basked in the glory of our
secret pleasure

until...

how you gon spit some fire like that then leave a brother hanging?

you know you ain't right for that

you told this story well

your words played out in my mind like motion picture

i could capture each scene of this tragedy in graphic and sordid detail

guess I should write the second part, huh?

SunSet Rivers wrote:guess I should write the second part, huh?

ummmmm, ya think

wow... that made me a little but... very good emotional write.